You know it's hot outside when you go outside and it's hot.

This is a paraphrase of a great sign that was sent to me - I love it. It's so obvious it's actually quite silly and it makes me laugh every time I see it. But, you ask, how do you get a blog out of a silly sign like this? Well.....

Our sign this week IS just plain silly and it doesn't really hurt anyone. We've all done it. We've all asked the daft question "Is it hot outside?" Well my answer will now be - "I don't know, go out side and see?" (For hot you can substitute cold, wet, dark etc). We can all say silly things sometimes but we churchy people take silly to a whole new level. We take it to the level of hurting people. We are great with coming up with really stupid sayings that, at best, don't mean much or, at worst, are very insulting / demeaning.

There are loads of them and here are just a few, (I offer my thanks to various people who drew my attention to them - some of the best are here - http://tinyurl.com/kos2fgh).

God helps those who help themselves. 

This, I have been told, is one of the most quoted Bible verses ever. REALLY??? Listen everybody - IT IS NOT IN THE BIBLE - ANYWHERE. AT ALL. IT IS NOT THERE. IT IS NOT A BIBLE QUOTE. And it's very demeaning. "Listen you homeless bum who might have mental health issues and a drug problem everything's going to be okay as long as you start to sort yourself out because, as we all know, (say it with me boys and girls) God helps those who help themselves." ARGGGGGGGGH! Stop it, stop it now!

Everything happens for a reason.

No it doesn't.

I should stop there. It is that obvious, this really shouldn't need anymore explanation. Saying this in many situations implies that God is a cruel and manipulative deity who plans out bad things for us. In my ministry I have only had to deal with two women who have been raped, I can't imagine the damage caused in saying this to them. Not only have you been attacked and violated but it's a God sanctioned violation. That's basically what this says - everything happens for a reason. ARGGGGGGGGH!

The Bible clearly says....

Don't go there, please DO NOT GO THERE.

I know professors of Biblical studies who have spent decades studying the Bible who would never say this. The Bible says very little clearly. It should be VERY important to us as Christians. It says an awful lot that we should read and think about, it teaches us many things, it tells us the ways of God, it shows us who Christ is, it should be taken very seriously but it says very little clearly. There are at least 5 versions of the creation story (Genesis 1, Genesis 2, Psalm 104, Job 38, Proverbs 38) and each one is a little different. It can't even agree on how many donkeys Jesus rode into the city of Jerusalem, Matthew says there are two, "...and he sat on them" (Matt 21 v 7) where Luke only has one donkey, "...they sat Jesus on it." (Luke 19 v 35). The parables seem easy and yet the disciples didn't understand them all, neither do we and don't start me on the book of Revelation. The Bible says very little clearly, we have to read, study and think about what it says, even then we may not get it right. We should be very careful about what we say the Bible says "clearly."

Love the sinner; hate the sin.

No matter how well intentioned you are and no matter what the situation is - this can never sound good. It’s like that phrase “I’m not a racist but…..” nothing good can come after it. It smacks of judgmentalism, even though you may not mean it to. It is a very 'us and them' phrase. Us, the good people, condescend to share our love with you, a wretched sinner. Compare it to the pharisee in the temple thanking God that he’s not like other men; oh look, it’s not much different. It’s scary like that other well known and terrible phrase - there but for the grace of God go I - implying that the other person doesn’t have God’s grace. YES they do! So stop loving the sinner and hating the sin and stop thanking God that there but for his grace you go and start loving people for who they are - children of God.

It must be true, it's in the Bible.

The King James version tells me there are unicorns - 9 times! Be careful, most people think God helps those who help themselves is there too.

AND MY ALL TIME PERSONAL FAVOURITE

I’ll pray for you.

I can’t tell you how many times people have said this to me with genuine concern on their face. Usually after I tell them I don’t believe in the medieval version of hell that the so many churches try to scare people with. A hand on the shoulder, staring into my eyes - “I’ll pray for you.” What they fail to add, which is written plainly on their smug, self satisfied features is “you misguided, heretical, non Christian. I pray that God will damn you so that I never have to share eternity with you and your kind, and you will see that there is a real hell - sinner.” And I can take that if they will actually pray for me. But I have to ask myself ‘do they actually pray for me?’ If they do then that’s great and I will not mock the genuineness of the concern - but I fear that “I’ll pray for you” is just one of those well used Christian platitudes that is trotted out and not meant. It’s like the person behind the checkout at Coles asking how you are. They don’t actually want to know how you are, they say it to everyone. If you say and mean it and do it then use I’ll pray for you whenever it’s appropriate. If it’s just another hackneyed saying then please desist - you’re giving people who genuinely do pray for others a bad name!

I could go on and on but I have to go outside and see if it’s hot!

You're going to Hell!

These were the words of a gentleman (and I use the term loosely) who came to church last week. He didn't say it straight away of course. Oh no, the man (let's called him Roger - I have no idea what his name was but I can't just keep calling him "The man"), stopped me outside church and asked me if I was the minister, I said that I was one of them and asked if I could help him. It was at this point that I was informed that (and I quote), "I've read your blog and you're going to Hell, you faggot loving liberal. You and all your friends are going to burn in the fires of Hell." And he laughed, manically. He seemed quite pleased with the idea. He had known me for less than a minute and was delighted with the prospect that we wouldn't be spending eternity together, frankly, so was I.

I found this statement quite interesting though. Among my 'friends' are quite a few pastors, some archbishops, a bishop or two and many ministers, some of whom would share Roger's view that I am a Hell bound liberal but are too polite to say it. I must inform them of their eventual and ultimate destination because of their close ties to me.

I digress (it's a fault of mine), so according to Roger I and all my friends are going to Hell. Wishing to clarify the situation I inquired of Roger where he was bound and was told, in no uncertain terms after he had finished laughing, that he was bound for Heaven because God loves him and all he stands for (and presumably all he stands against as well - e.g. faggot loving liberals such as myself.) I was then informed, "I do not wish to pollute myself any more. I have done what God told me to do and condemned you to Hell." At which point he walked off.

I waved but he didn't look back. I think I'll miss him, we had such a nice conversation. A life long friendship was merely seconds away.

But this chance and random encounter got me thinking, not about if I'm going to Hell or not but about his God and my God. They seem to be very different. Roger and I have vastly differing views on the Almighty, in fact we seem to have vastly different Almightys.

I was told by Roger that he reads the blog so if he wishes to add any comments or corrections to the next part he is free to and I will not delete or edit them.

Let me list a few things about Roger's God that I gleaned from my short conversation with the anointed Roger;

1) Roger's God hates faggot loving liberals (and I'm sure lots of other members of society as well - I doubt women would rate highly on Roger's God's priority list) and he sends Roger to tell them, with much glee, that they are Hell bound.

2) R.G. (that's Roger's God in shorthand, no doubt another burning offence, but since I'm Hell bound anyway I don't care anymore) seems to take great delight in the fact that some of his creation (most of it if Roger has his way) are lost and will be sent to the burning fires of the Pit. Roger seemed ecstatic at the prospect.

3) R.G. seems to offer no way back from my Inferno bound trek. May be there isn't one and I (and all my friends) are beyond all hope of salvation anyway.

4) R.G. and Roger seems to have forgotten about that little passage in the Bible we call the New Testament and that bit part figure who appears once or twice named Jesus.

The big difference between R.G. and my God is that R.G. hates me and all I stand for, whereas my God loves Roger, even if I think he is somewhat misguided.

R.G. will take great delight in watching me toast for all eternity; my God will mourn the loss of a sparrow let alone Roger.

R.G. will condem me; my God will reach out to all the Rogers' of the world with a hand with nail marks in it.

I don't want to follow a God that hates: I don't like Roger's God anymore than he seems to like me. The God I serve is a God of love, and that love is not just for the loveable people of the world but for everyone, without exception - yes even faggot loving liberals like me.

And that is what I take from this encounter with R.G. and Roger - my God is bigger than his.

My God has a love that knows no bounds - not of race or class nor of belief or sexual orientation.

God loves you whoever you are and that includes all the Rogers of this world.

Like it or not my God (or just God as he should be called) has a place in his heart for you, has love for you, has hope for you far more than I do Roger, but that is why HE IS GOD and I'm just child that he loves.



Picture found on the internet.